I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
