Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
smell my finger.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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