You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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