you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He shit in the fireplace
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
