I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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