HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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