I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
