Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
