She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
