I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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