So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
