Soap is not a condiment
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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