before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
