dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
