i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
