He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
