You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
did i just pee glitter
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
