Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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