We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
