cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
