I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
