I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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