Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
