YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
