I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
