if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
