He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
