Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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