Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
