he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
