guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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