You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
