In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
