Don't make out with my wife yet
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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