Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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