All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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