ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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