had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
