the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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