Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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