how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
