I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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