Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think i have two assholes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
