You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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