sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
