Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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