In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
