You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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