Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
