worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its not stalking. its research.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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