When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
